Have you ever begged God for anything?  Like truly bargained, “I will do anything,” type of pleading?  I have.  On April 29, 2009.  This is the day Sayla was born.  Each year around this time, I try and reflect on her birth story, and I am reminded of what a miracle she is.  Some of you know this story, or have read pieces on my blog, so bear with me as I delve into it again.   I gave birth to Sayla, in a scheduled cesarean, at the Special Delivery Unit (SDU), which is part of the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, Fetal Diagnostic and Treatment Center.  She was DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) at the time of my surgery.  We had been told she had a massive brain tumor, and that she would most likely not survive the birth.  I had come to peace with this and had accepted it to be a probable outcome.  There are many other details, and floods of different emotions, but the main emotion I remember was fear.  Even when Sayla survived the delivery and came out screaming with a normal Apgar score, I was still so afraid.  It is painful to admit this, but I did not hold her for several hours.  When I held her for the first time, I was terrified to bond with a child who was not supposed to survive. It wasn’t until later on that evening, April 29, 2009, when I held Sayla in the NICU, and we knew we had to make a choice within a few days…go home on hospice or undergo dangerous brain surgery…that I allowed myself to bond with my first-born child.  I held her up against my bare chest, my tears streaming down on her bald head, and I begged.  I pleaded.  I bargained.  “I will do ANYTHING, just please God, let me keep my baby.  I don’t care if it’s hard, I don’t care if she is different, I don’t care if my life will not be normal, just please let me keep my baby.”  He did.  For ten years now, I still have my girl!  And it’s been hella hard, it’s been very different, it’s been far from “normal.” But the happiness and fulfillment she brings into my life outweigh all of the struggles.  She has brought so much joy to all of those who know her, and a blessing to all of those who meet her.  Her smile can light up a room, and make a post go viral.  It is so humbling to hear story after story of how the child I so selfishly begged God to let me keep has made such an impact on the life of other people. She truly is a special gift. 

So, on this birthday, as she moves into double digits (can we please not dwell on the number since it means I’m aging as well), we wanted to do this milestone BIG.  My first idea was to take her to the family reunion at the SDU, Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia, that they have every summer for families who have children born there once OR twice (check out “Twice Born: Stories from the Special Delivery Unit” on Netflix).  We have never been to a reunion, and thought this would be a cool way to celebrate Sayla’s life by reuniting with all of the doctors and staff who brought Sayla into this world and kept her alive.  But the reunion is on a weekend that conflicted with our schedule, and I am still so disappointed we cannot go.  Instead, we decided to take Sayla to a place she has never been or experienced, that we love and enjoy. We knew that she needed to see, hear, smell, and feel the ocean!!  This is a HUGE undertaking, and involved a roof rack luggage carrier, packing of all her equipment (wheelchair, suction machine, changing table cot, feeding pump, leg braces…) formula, meds, diapers, and other necessities, along with stuff for us parents, a toddler, AND an infant.  I’m having a mild panic attack reminiscing about my former to do list.  Even though I knew it would be a lot of work, I was determined to make this trip, and create memories as a family for Sayla’s tenth birthday.  Recently, I had a friend lose her precious child to heart disease.  This mom is amazing and made so many special memories with her son.  She has inspired me to seek out more opportunities to experience with Sayla during the time I have with her on this earth. The work put into this trip was minuscule compared to the happiness we had making memories with our girl on the beach.  I was able to rent a beach wheelchair for Sayla, and our resort was next to a beach ramp access point with both chair and cabana rentals, so the set up was super convenient for us all.  Sayla has slept with a sound machine set to “ocean waves” for many years, so the sound of the real ocean was very relaxing to her.  She was all smiles as she sat in my lap and felt the waves tickle her feet and legs.  She laughed as Diddy pushed her in the beach wheelchair through the sand and water.  We had three full days to experience God’s beautiful creation with Sayla, and it was exactly what I had hoped it would be for all of us.  We will forever remember this event.  I hope you enjoy the photos and video.

Today is our baby’s due date, but we had our scheduled cesarean five days ago!  Since we knew the exact date our baby would enter this world, most of our family (including both sets of grandparents) were able to be present for the big day.  Our friends and family celebrated with a Birth Day party in the Labor and Delivery lobby, while I was in surgery, as they patiently waited for the gender reveal announcement from Patrick.  One of my brothers, who does videography and photography, was able to be present and document this special occasion for us.

Disclaimer: No one was harmed in the making of this video.  I promise my mom is okay.

I will spare you the details, but unfortunately my last two cesarean births were somewhat traumatic. My prayer during this whole pregnancy was that I would have a positive birth experience that would be calm and joyful.  One of the ways I imagined my birth to be joyful, was by finding out the gender during the surgery.  We have kept the baby’s gender a surprise this entire pregnancy, and lovingly referred to this baby as “Pepper” Parker, since it has been extremely active and caused me lots of heartburn.

I have thought the baby was a boy the entire pregnancy, and my husband has guessed girl.  As you can see in the video, we had a sign given to us right before delivery.  Our girl name did not fit the baby born to us with a head full of dark curly hair, and dark eyes.  This baby just looked like a “Pepper.”  The nickname stuck and we now have a Pepper Fawn Parker.  The delivery was perfect and everything I had hoped and prayed for.  We are so thankful to God for blessing us with this angel who is fearfully and wonderfully made, and completes our family.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade?  How about I rock them on an obnoxious bodysuit, throw some in a bowl for decoration, and maybe even share a few…

 

Anyone else feel like everything hits at once, or you can’t catch a break?  I’m there.  The past few weeks have brought several challenges and struggles and I feel like life is tossing lemons at me.  All while being very pregnant.  Two days after returning home from our babymoon, we noticed our basement carpet was wet.  One of the HVAC units had frozen and thawed and dumped a massive amount of water into our basement.  After the restoration team assessed the damage my husband calls me and says, “Do you want the good news, or the bad news first?”  Umm just tell me.  “Good news is you get to redecorate a whole new basement!  Bad news is, it’s way worse than we thought, and they are calling it a category three.”  I’m not super familiar with water damage and restoration categorization, like at all, but this sounds like we need to move and warn the neighbors.  Maybe notify the city?  Next lemon is my oven.  My housekeeper calls and tells me my oven is off but really hot.  That’s bizarre considering I haven’t baked in days.  We turned off the breaker so that my 500-degree oven would chill out, and called the manufacturer. After two different repair technicians from two different companies assessed the situation, we finally realized the relay was stuck on the microcomputer which was allowing the baking element to stay on…why didn’t I think of that?  And then we realize they don’t make replacement parts for my 17-year-old oven.  Awesome.  They also informed me that the two ovens they manufacture that will fit into our wall space (and match our other appliances) to replace our current oven, are out of stock with no information as to when they will become available again.  Another lemon lately is illness.  And for once it’s not Sayla, but Pax, who has been to the pediatrician for four weeks in a row now.

 

So here’s how I’m dealing.  First of all, I have to realize that all of these situations are out of my control.  There is no one to blame, and no one is at fault.  Life happens, and how I choose to react to these lemons are what I can control.  Yes, it is frustrating.  Yes, it is stressful.  Yes, it adds to my “to do list.”  But I am choosing JOY in the midst of these trials.  Joy is the assurance that a higher power is in control.  And even though hardships will happen, there is a peace in knowing that everything will be alright because it all happens for a reason.  God doesn’t promise answers or explanations, but He does promise joy. So watch me rock this lemon bodysuit with a massive baby bump because it brings me joy.  It also makes my husband sing Gucci Mane’s “Lemonade”: “I love dem Georgia-peaches, but you look more like a lemon.” I try and focus on things that are positive happenings in my life to find my joy.  Some current “happies” include baby Pepper being healthy and staying where s/he belongs for now, and I was gifted an amazing maternity photo shoot by one of the most sought out after photographers in Lexington, which I cannot wait to share.

 

The second way I’m dealing is by throwing those lemons in a bowl and decorating…or redecorating in my case.  As I have mentioned before, I am in an interior design certification program, and this new basement reno is a perfect way to apply my newly learned skills.  The foundation for décor and design is having a plan.  I think the best way to deal with unforeseen trials, is to formulate a plan of action.  This will help ease the anxiety of the unknown and bring relief with a sense of regaining control of the situation.  We can only control our actions and reactions when the lemons start raining down.

 

Lastly, I’ve decided to share some of my lemons…you want a lemon?  No? Ok, how about you? You want this lemon?  Get some help!

This is probably the hardest part for me when faced with struggles.  Asking for help and delegating tasks.  Partly because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone, and to be honest, it’s partly because I don’t want other people to think I cannot “handle” my biz.  So I have to swallow my pride and let others help.  My biggest helpmate in this crazy life is my best friend, my husband.  He is constantly asking me what he can do to help, and I would be lost without him.  Accepting help no matter how big or small is crucial.  I asked a friend for help by soliciting her advice on my tile selection for our basement bathroom, and I asked another friend for new crock pot recipes since I have no oven.  My mother in law offered to help do research on finding a double wall oven that would fit in our kitchen with the correct dimensions, and my parents are coming to visit this week and you best believe I have a list of things for my father to fix (he loves it), and my mother will cook and help disinfect the contaminated toys from illness (if you’re reading this mom, I am planning on asking you to help me with this please).

 

I am by no means an expert at this thing called life.  That is not what this post is about…nor do I want to come across as complaining.  I’m just being real.  It’s my current situation and I am hoping it brings some sort of comfort to you by revealing that you’re not alone in your trials, and maybe give you some ideas on how to cope with those lemons.  What is your current lemon?  Leave me a comment and tell me how you deal.  You never know how it could help someone else reading this!

 

 

When deciding upon a destination for our babymoon, we knew we wanted to visit a city we had never been to, and that we could explore together as a couple.  My main objectives included good food, relaxation/spa amenities, pretty views, and easy transportation while exploring… since I am not currently in the best shape of my life.  After some research and recommendations, we decided on Savannah, Georgia for our getaway.  Sayla was with her dad this week, and Patrick’s parents (Gigi and G-Pat), kept Pax for us so we could enjoy some quality time before the chaos begins of having a special needs child, and two under two years old (making that three in diapers).  Savannah ended up being the perfect choice.  The first thing we noticed was that this “urban jungle”, as the locals call it due to the insane number of trees, is a mix between Charleston, SC, and New Orleans, LA.  They consider themselves sister cities.  The absolute best part of Savannah were the people. Everyone was so nice. It was very southern in the way of people we met were not strangers and wanted to know, “Where are y’all from?” “What brings you to Savannah?” “Is this your first baby?” Those of you who know my husband can understand how he became a hit among the hotel staff immediately.  He told them we were there to make a baby (as I’m obviously showing and we have already achieved this goal).  Some of the staff saw us out and about town one evening and yelled, “Heyyyyy Parkers!” We felt very welcomed in this city.  Keep reading to find out where we ate, stayed, and played.

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Hey yall!  We have enjoyed our beach trip so much this past week!  The weather and water were perfect every single day.  We went with my husband’s family, and stayed in the most adorable hippie beach house.  Pax went to the beach several times last year, but he was just an infant.  This is the first time he has been as a toddler, and could actually be in the sun, and play in the sand.  He loved everything about it.  He played for hours with his bucket of water and beach toys.  We enjoyed watching him try to figure out the sandcastles his daddy and uncle built, and then he would slowly knock them down.  He loved having my husband take him out into the ocean and he would say, “oohhhhh!” I’m so thankful we had beach wear to keep him safe in the sun.  I wanted to share a few of his beach-wear outfit details from i play., Inc.

I love iplaybaby’s new Breathable Swim and Sun Flap Hat!  It is UPF 50+, and protects head, neck, and eyes while playing.  The water friendly foam brim is perfect for Pax, since it stays out of his eyes when wet.  Pax kept his hat on the entire time, but there is a tie strap to keep the hat in place if need be.  His Long Sleeve Rashguard is also UPF 50+ and made of stretchy quick dry material.  It is so soft with flat seams for comfort while he plays.  The rashguard matched his adorable turtle print Pocket Trunks With Built-In Reusable Absorbent Swim Diaper.  There is no need to wear an additional swim diaper with these trunks, which is a mom win with less to pack!

As much as we have enjoyed vacation, we are happy to be home now.  This week will be full of unpacking, and vacation laundry.  We have our Sayla back, and I plan on enjoying lots of snuggles with both my babies! Being able to stay at home with them makes me so happy, and I am very grateful for this job of mine.

Thank you to i play., Inc. for partnering on this post.  All thoughts and opinions on products are my own.